thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
