at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
