Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
