Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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