I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
