I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
