The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
