Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
