Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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