I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
