At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
