Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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