Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
