I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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