I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
