Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
pray to the hookup gods
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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