You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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