I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
