Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
