I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
