I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
