so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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