I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
