he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
