You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize