I want to have your abortion
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
