I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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