I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
