I met the friendliest cop last night
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He did a backflip because drugs
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