gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
