At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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