I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
