I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
