Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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