Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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