would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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