You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
