There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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