Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
