We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
