He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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