Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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