Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
