Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
