i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
