She announced her abortion via fbk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
