So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Come share oat with me in your robe
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize