my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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