somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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