Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I think my moral compass just broke
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
