I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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